Confronting the Silent Struggles of Student Athletes

Ever wondered about the immense pressure student athletes wrestle with, both on and off the field? We're pulling back the veil on this important but often overlooked topic. Joining us to shed light on these rarely discussed realities are our esteemed guests - Gabby Daniels, a multi-sport athlete from Fredericktown, Ohio, who is currently attending the University of Findlay, McKenzie Bump, a talented student athlete from Mt Gilead, Ohio and current softball player for The Ohio State University, and Darryl W. Thomas, Jr, an author, speaker, and leadership coach from Waco, Texas. Hear firsthand accounts of unseen struggles, the mental toll competitive sports can take on our youth, and the urgent need for more mental health resources and open dialogues within the athletic community.

In the fast-paced world of athletics, the importance of seeking support cannot be understated. Our guests share their stories of managing overwhelming pressures and explore sources of support ranging from faith and therapy to insightful conversations with parents and coaches. We also delve into the significance of identifying individuals who add positivity to your life, and the role this plays in navigating through sport challenges. Learn about the available resources at the college levels and the lack of those same resources at the high school level. We discuss the vital role various stakeholders, such as parents, administrators, and coaches, should play in providing mental health support to our young student athletes.

Highlighting personal stories of aspiration and growth, McKenzie and Gabby share their dreams and plans for the future. Darryl, aka Coach D, opens up about how he found his purpose amidst adversity, further underlining the link between positive mental health and effective leadership. Tune in for an insightful exploration of the pressures, challenges, and support systems of student athletes. Remember, it's not just about winning on the field but off it as well - a sentiment echoed by Coach D in his book, Today...I Win: When Tests Go Beyond the Classroom. This episode is a must-listen for athletes, parents, coaches, school administrators, and anyone involved in the world of student sports.

Chapters

• 0:00 Student Athletes' Hidden Dangers and Pressures
• 10:51 Managing Pressure and Seeking Support
• 15:02 Importance of A&1s and Finding Purpose
• 18:50 High School Mental Health Resources
• 31:36 Career Plans and Personal Growth
• 41:28 The Importance of Supporting Others

Transcript

Tim Maceyko: 0:00

I have three guests with me today, and we're going to be talking about something that I personally find really important. Part of my 501c3 nonprofit, the Seth Maceyko Snuggle Time Foundation, is to educate the public about child safety, and as a former coach, I can tell you I didn't give a lot of thought to the mental health side of things like I should have. If I could go back and start my program from scratch, I would definitely incorporate that more. So, today's episode is about the hidden dangers that student athletes face, the pressures they're under, and also, we're hoping to educate some coaches, educate some parents and even make the players aware that you know it's not just you. A lot of people go through this and feel the way you do so. So, that's kind of what we're going for today. So, I'm going to introduce all my guests. We'll start with Gabby Daniels from Fredericktown, and Gabby just give us a little background, like on your experience playing, what sports you played and how many years, and what you're doing now.

Gabby Daniels: 0:54

Gabby Daniels, hi, I played softball, basketball, volleyball whole life. In high school I played varsity basketball all four years and then varsity softball for two, three years and then varsity volleyball for two years as well. So yeah, I played a lot of sports my whole life, did the travel, ball, everything.

Tim Maceyko: 1:19

Yeah, and you were recognized for basketball because I actually coached you, right? Y ou had a lot of awards and stuff. You were what? First team all district, all- league, all- Ohio Honorable mention, right?

Gabby Daniels: 1:33

Yeah, for a couple of years, junior and senior year yeah.

Tim Maceyko: 1:36

That big five foot frame.

McKenzie Bump: 1:39

Five foot eight post player, yeah.

Tim Maceyko: 1:42

It worked, though. It worked All right. So, thanks, Gabby, for being here. We'll talk to you a little bit more in a second. McKenzie Bump, I want you to introduce yourself to everybody and tell us a little bit about your background.

McKenzie Bump: 1:51

Yeah, so I'm McKenzie Bump. I currently go to OSU. I played softball and volleyball in high school, varsity all four years for both, and then I decided to play softball at the next level, and I'm going into my senior year now for that.

Tim Maceyko: 2:08

Yeah, so you are at The Ohio State University, big Buck eye senior year for softball. That's really cool. It's really great to have you on, to have that experience. And I'm glad you're here because I want to talk a little bit here in a moment about what resources are available at the high school level versus what you have available at college. So, we're going to talk about that and that'd be good for the school administrators to hear too. So, we'll talk about that. But before we get there, coach D, Darrell, please introduce yourself.

Coach D: 2:32

So, my name is Coach D. I guess my birth name is actually Daryll Thomas Jr, but I go by Coach D. I now teach leadership development. That's what I coach to all my student athletes that are in high school and in college. But my background - I spent time in the Marine Corps. Prior to that, I actually went to high school and played some high school ball. Football in particular, is what I played. After I got out of the Marine Corps, went and did some semi pro football as well. So, have a little bit of experience on those two, those two fronts, but yeah.

Tim Maceyko: 3:07

Great Thanks for being here. I appreciate it, and we'll talk about your book here in a bit and then give a little more background about you. But let's just start off, again, t his is for parents, this is for coaches, this is for other players, people who may not have realized the pressure that we as a society are putting on our young kids. You know, I think about my program when I was coaching ball, and how we reward winning as a society. And so, for two years in a row the Mount Vernon News gave me Coach of the Year, like back to back seasons, because we had a great record. But when I look back on that now I think, man, I wasn't a great coach at all. Record wise I guess I was, but I was missing pieces that I really wish I would have done a better job with. And so, again, that's what we're talking about today. I own it as a parent, I own it as a coach, and I want to make sure we're helping the kids out there.

Tim Maceyko: 3:54

So, this article here said the recent deaths of college student- athletes, comes amid an increase in suicide rates among women ages 20 to 24 over the last couple of decades. And men have has risen as well, but at a smaller rate than the females. So that's why I have some of the females on here today. I wanted to really hit home with them. The article says parents - you need to have conversations with your kids, and that's a missing piece of the element many times.

Tim Maceyko: 4:21

Like, we are not talking to our kids as parents about their sports, unless it's about, hey, how did you perform today? Did you win? Why'd you miss that shot? Why didn't you hit that ball? You know, wish you could have got that one back, don't you? All these negative things. Sometimes the coach rides them and then the parents are riding them on the way home and then, you know it, just snowballs. And so, Gabby, why don't you share with us, some of the pressures you felt from the coaching perspective and from maybe your family members as well. Maybe your parents, other family members - because you come from a background of a family, who's a great family by the way, but very competitive.

Gabby Daniels: 5:02

Yeah, so, um, most of my family has been gone to Frederick town, played at Frederick town, Hall of Fame at Frederick town. And I had an uncle who went to the University of Findlay, played basketball and baseball there, had scholarships, did amazing, was a captain his junior and senior year and eventually got into the Hall of Fame there. Um, and most of my family are coaches locally too for basketball. So, um, yeah, definitely a lot of pressure came from that. Um, I think I felt expected to perform a certain way and, you know, meet the same goals that they did when they were my age. And, uh, yeah, that was, it was, uh, it was definitely a lot. And coming from - I'm sure McKenzie will understand this too - uh, coming from a small town, you know, you definitely feel the pressures of everybody watching you. E verybody knows everybody. I t eats you. I mean it's in your head all the time, all the time.

Tim Maceyko: 6:01

So, yeah, yeah, and that's what I want to get at. Sometimes we put extra pressure on ourselves mentally because of the success of our family members, and the expectations to be like them. McKenzie, what about you?

McKenzie Bump: 6:13

Um, yeah, uh, like Gabby said, the whole small town, you know, small town hero thing. I think it's always a big thing. Uh, I remember like some of the biggest pressure I ever felt was like in high school ball, being the travel ball player. Like every time someone made an out on me it was their world series. And I remember a lot of times like I'd hear the parents, like you know, talking about me while I was up to bat and stuff. I remember, like I mean 14 years old, like that got to me very easily. Um, and then my dad also being a good athlete, when he came up through school, like I remember everyone being like, oh, you know, it's Jeff, your dad. I'm like, yeah, that's my dad. They're like, oh, that guy could do this, this, and this. And I mean like, okay, gotta let everyone know that I'm his daughter.

McKenzie Bump: 6:56

Then, um, I just think that like when I got to the college level, I realized like there's a very big difference in pressure. Um, as a young athlete, you already put it on yourself, and then you get to that next level, and you've got coaches. You know, your parents aren't at practice, they don't see practice, they don't see anything going on. So, all they think is like why aren't you playing? Like what's going on? All this. And I think like the hardest thing for me in college was putting a bunch of pressure on myself, whether you're on the field or not. Like even once you get on the field, then all you're thinking about is not getting, you know, taken off of it. So that's like a big thing that I've noticed from high school to college.

Tim Maceyko: 7:34

You know you said something here I really want to point out. I want to stress this. You said when, as a 14 year old kid, I'm up to bat and I'm hearing other parents say things about me and to me, and I think we get so, in our society, we get so caught up in this competition thing and we think we can say things that just aren't appropriate. All in the name of well, we're at a sporting event, you know it's okay, I can yell at the official a certain way and I can yell at other kids, and you know it's not like normal. In normal life we are good people, probably, and we probably wouldn't do those things, but for some reason we get caught up in the psychological piece and we say things. And so, I want to stress that to parents who may be listening to this - remember the things you say.

Tim Maceyko: 8:12

These kids, you are affecting them and if it's a negative comment, especially from the other team, they don't even know you, and so they can really take negative comment to heart. So, I'm glad you brought that point up. Darryl, do you want to weigh in here about some of this you've heard so far?

Coach D: 8:25

I'll be honest with you, Tim, I'm a father of five kids. Two of them are adults now, one is in the Marine Corps, one is at TCU. He played football at the high school level. And then I have three, you know, student athletes that are in high school right now, and part of it is, yes, you do want them to excel, especially in something that you see that they are gifted and talented in. You want to see them excel, but you also want them to enjoy it.

Coach D: 8:51

And so, for me, I found myself, coming from that Marine Corps background, being that hard charger like you know, let's go, you got it. No, you need more. I'm expecting more from you, that kind of thing. But I also saw myself saying, hey, you know what, life is too short for all of this. Let's take a step back. Listen, do you enjoy it? Because if you enjoy it, then I do expect you to play at your highest level. But if you're not enjoying it, then hold on, let's rethink. And so, the son that's at TCU now he's not playing football because high school is as far as he wanted to take it. And, yeah, I wanted to see him suit up, you know, at TCU, which is his dream school. But at the end of the day, it's not about me, it's about him, and so that's probably the biggest thing that I've noticed as a parent is learning how to kind of back off and not add to that pressure, because it's enough pressure as it is.

Tim Maceyko: 9:45

Yeah, I would agree with you and I think as a parent I look at my own daughter. I coached my daughter's class from fourth grade all the way through eighth, and then I watched them have success in high school and took a lot of pride in the fact I helped build that. But then I look back now, and I think about how much pressure I put on my own daughter, because I wanted her to have more success, maybe even more than she wanted. And sometimes as fathers we tend to do that, sometimes and we gotta be very careful because we're adding that extra pressure. So, let's go back again to McKenzie and Gabby and let's talk about pressure that you felt and how you handled it at different times. So, let's start with Gabby again.

Tim Maceyko: 10:21

Gabby, let's think back to a time in high school where you felt a lot of pressure and did you have an outlet? Or what did you do? Whether it was good or bad. Because here's what we're getting at - almost one in five teenagers have considered suicide. Nearly 10% have attempted it. Now, I'm not saying that you considered it, I'm just saying that with that statistic we need to be aware that we are putting pressure on kids. They feel it at different times. Do you have a story or a moment in time where you really felt that immense pressure and tell us how you handled it at that moment.

Gabby Daniels: 10:51

Yeah. So, I mean my junior year, you know, we were having a pretty good season, and I got pretty sick and just was going through a lot personally. So, I didn't feel like I had anyone to really go to and talk about that stuff at home or you know around me where I didn't feel judged. So, I decided to try therapy and just talk to a stranger and just talk about everything and get an outside perspective from someone you know, who didn't even know me before, doesn't know my family, where I come from, like that kind of thing. And I think that's what helped me the most was therapy and just talking to someone about, you know, everything that was just going through my head and everything that was going on, even from someone who didn't completely understand it. It was nice to just talk to someone, yeah, and not feel judged or feel like they're gonna look at you a certain way because you know you don't know each other. Just talking to a complete stranger just helps tremendously, yeah. So therapy, yeah, therapy was a big, big help.

Tim Maceyko: 11:59

Great, I'm glad to hear that. McKenzie, what about you?

McKenzie Bump: 12:03

I would say in high school I handled my pressure a little differently than I do in college. I remember like my parents were always kind of, they're kind of the strict, hard parents where, like my dad would be hard on me but I knew it was because he wanted what was best for me and that's how he got the best out of me. And, like I said, when you get to college it's a little different. You know, you don't have mommy and daddy there all the time. You have coaches who are paying attention to 25 other girls around you and don't really know exactly who you are or how to help.

McKenzie Bump: 12:33

In high school and stuff, I was able to go to my parents, even on a hard day, and be like you know sometimes I'd break down after games and stuff, like I said, like parents yelling at me, saying mean things and stuff and I'm up to bat. I'm thinking about that the whole game. I get home to my parents. You know they might not understand, but just me being able to vent and get it out helps me a lot. And then when I got to college, like I said, like I didn't have them there. I vent over the phone to them and stuff, like they're just not in those shoes to truly understand and they never really went that route.

McKenzie Bump: 13:05

You know that next level to really understand what I was going through. So they were there to listen, but they couldn't really help. So, I found like the most value in the people around me who goes through the same thing every day and all of us finding an outlet for each other and luckily mine was my faith. So, going to church and stuff like that it was a big thing that helped me and realized like I'm not valued based off of, you know, athletic ability. L ike, there's so much more out there and there's a bigger focus. So, that's what truly helped me get through that. You know that hard part of oh my gosh, I'm not playing softball like I always have. L ike what

McKenzie Bump: 13:46

do I do now? I'm not McKenzie Bump, the softball player anymore, you? know.

Tim Maceyko: 13:49

Yeah, yeah, great information to share, because again, I think as parents sometimes we overlook these things, and so it's good to hear that you were able to talk to your parents. And Ga bby, y ou were able to talk to a therapist what you felt you needed, and I think both of those things are important. But again, we want parents to understand out of this conversation today that you need to have honest and upfront conversations with your kids, and sometimes those conversations aren't pleasant, you know, because you're the dad and you're mad about the performance or whatever. But you got to digest that and say, okay, look, this is my baby girl, this is my son, this is my, my blood, and you need to build them back up in those moments and so it's hard to do sometimes as a dad, I can tell you, but it's necessary.

Tim Maceyko: 14:33

I'm going to come back to you McKenzie in a moment. I want to talk to about the difference in what resources you had in high school versus what you have available to you at college. But before we go there, coach D, what are some things like when you go out and talk to kids about leadership and all these things about handling pressure in general terms not just, maybe, the sports, but in general terms, what are some of the highlight points that you think you would like to share today?

Coach D: 14:56

I think, Tim, exactly what the young ladies are saying. In my book, I talk about the importance of an "and one and one is a person that's going to add value. So it's a person in your life, or people in your life, that are there strictly to add value. They're not trying to take from you. They're not trying to get what you have. You know, trying to get the cloud or whatever it is that you may have. They're not after that. They just want to see you well. They want to see you succeed. They want to see you become the best version of you and live your best life. And those are your "and ones." Those are people that you do want to go to, especially when the pressure is on. You want to be able to go to that place because you know that's going to be a safe place. The other thing about the A&1 is that they're not just going to tell you what you want to hear. A lot of times they're going to tell you what you need to hear and that's what we. That's that thing right there. So sometimes, when you're conditioned to hearing the coach right, right, right, right, right you're thinking that's probably what you need to hear from your A&1 when, truth of the matter, that's not what you need. What you probably need is hey, come here, let's, let's shut that down, put the playbook to the side, come on, let's go, let's go kick it. You know, let's, let's go enjoy one another, let's spend some time together, let's watch a movie. You know, maybe that's it. You know, on the flip side, it may be where you're in the slump and you do need to hear that, right, right, right, but the A&1 is going to give it to you, and so that's that's something I would say. I show the student athletes and just the young kings and young queens that I work with how to do just that, how to identify those wants and then how to lean in and get the help from those "1s.

Coach D: 16:33

The second thing I would say is really just knowing who you are. I think you said that beautifully, McKenzie. When you know who you are, you begin to separate yourself from the game, because you know the game is only for so long, but I have to live with me for the rest of my life. And if I don't know who I am and fall in love with who I am, then I end up missing really the essence of life. One thing that I love that Mark Twain said.

Coach D: 16:59

He said the two most important days in your life is the day that you were born and the day you found out why and that's where I try to teach the student athletes and the young people that I work with begin to find your life's purpose, you know, because when you can do that, you can be on the team and your purpose could be to encourage, your purpose could be to lead, your purpose could whatever that is, but begin to walk out that purpose, whether you're on the field, whether you're off the field. Walk out that and it's going to be way more meaningful. So and one and then find your purpose.

Tim Maceyko: 17:31

I love that. I love that Great stuff, coach D. W hen I do my wellness coaching now, I work a lot with child loss, parents, and bereavement and grief situations, and overcoming adversity situations, we talk all the time about - if you can't find that new purpose, then you're going to struggle, like until you can use the adversity to create a new path and, you know, move forward. We always say you don't usually move on from child loss. Losing a child is such a unique experience but you can move forward. You can use it to draw from and to build upon. And it may not be a path you expected to take or wanted to take, but it's where you're at and that's part of life. So, no matter what you're in, that adversity can be used as a strength in the long run, even though it may feel really painful at the moment. So, I think that's a great point.

Tim Maceyko: 18:17

McKenzie, let's go back to you because I want to talk a little bit now about resources, and Gabby, you can weigh on this as well. But high school in general terms and I don't know I'm asking because I didn't really get into the administrative side of things when I was coaching in the high school system. But what resources did you have at the high school level when you were struggling? I want to talk about what resources are available at the college level as well, b ut first let's start in high school. What resources were available to you in high school McKenzie?

McKenzie Bump: 18:50

Honestly, Tim, I'm not sure if there were like truly resources. There's obviously a guidance counselor, but when it comes to sports and stuff, I don't really like remember ever like having somebody like truthfully to go to, unless it was like a coach or something. Like I said, like my parents were my outlet, so that's what I was able to use, but people who didn't have that outlet, I'm honestly, I don't think that they truly had an outlet when it comes to going somehow through the school.

Tim Maceyko: 19:22

Okay, fair enough. And Gabby, same question to you. Did you have any resources available to you? Do you feel like you had any resources available to you?

Gabby Daniels: 19:28

I think I agree with McKenzie. I don't think we really, like yes, we had a guidance counselor, but they wouldn't really weigh in on sports a lot, like we never really met with the guidance counselor, talked about anything. I mean, unless you had, like a coach or a teacher you felt comfortable going to talk about things. There was never really conversation about you know, mental health and sports, having someone to go to, like I don't feel like we have that.

Tim Maceyko: 19:58

Fair enough and actually I expected that answer. I really did. And that's one of the reasons I want to do this show, because I wanted to stress to people the fact that as parents and as school administrators and even as coaches, we've got to stop and re-evaluate how we're running our programs at the high school level, what resources we're offering our youth, our kids. Some of them are really struggling and we've seen in this area where I live in Ohio, we've seen a few different suicides over the last several years of student athletes who have felt so much pressure - and teens in general. But then you add that extra little element of being the student athlete and the highly competitive kid and it adds another dimension. And there's not the resources that I've seen that are available, that probably need to be, and we need to reevaluate that and think about that. And so, I'm hoping, administrators and parents, you can reach out to your school systems and talk, have these conversations. What can we do to offer those resources that we don't currently have? I think it's an important conversation, especially in this day and age.

Tim Maceyko: 20:58

When I played back in my day, I was an athlete, but I didn't have the pressure. If I had a bad game, I went home and I was upset or whatever, and I was done. If I had a bully at school, I went home, and I didn't have to think about or deal with that bully till the next Monday, for the weekend or whatever the case may be. These days it's 24-7 for all of you. 24-7, social media, all the different things. You can't get away from the pressures, and so I think because of that alone, we have to re-evaluate some of these mental health resources we're providing to our teens at high school in general, and then the student athlete pressure piece as well. Coach D, do you have anything to add to that? I mean, do you know of any resources at other schools that maybe we're not aware of, that we haven't mentioned? Then we're going to talk about the college level.

Coach D: 21:38

Yeah, no, no. I think that's a great question, Tim. When I think about the resources and that's the reason why we do what we do because we began to see a gap. W e saw the suicide, and the thing I like to say about suicide is that it really is a permanent solution to temporary problems. Sometimes, sometimes our young people and those that contemplate and attempt suicide, they don't realize that, man, you know what, if I can just figure out a way to outlast whatever the pressure is, if I can free out a way just to press through or to alleviate, to relieve the pressure, it's going to be all right.

Coach D: 22:14

And so for us, we've actually developed a curriculum called Heads Up Leadership, and essentially what that does is it's drawing the connection between positive mental health and effective leadership demonstration, and so it's helping the students to see, in order for me to show up as a leader, because we truly believe that inside of every leader is a solution to a problem. And so inside of inside of the students, there are solutions that need to come out. But they'll never come out if you don't recognize yourself as being a leader. And even before then, before you can show up as a leader, you now have to make sure your mental well-being is intact, and so we teach them through this curriculum how to regulate the emotions, how to enhance their mental health and things like that, so they can show up as that effective leader.

Coach D: 23:06

Whether it's on campus, on the field or at home, it doesn't matter. We're giving them those skills, those skill sets, and so I think that's a valuable resource there. And I would say this for those administrators that may be listening in, those educators or whatever coaches, really identifying some of those, those organizations and companies that are out there to partner with, to help you. You know because while you're focusing on coaching, you're focusing on academics, there's an organization or company there that's willing to come in lock arms with you to make help make your student athlete a holistic leader right, a holistic citizen, if you will. So I would say that you may not have the resources there established, that's fine, consider partnerships, but the heads of leadership is our way of contributing to that positive mental health for the student athletes.

Tim Maceyko: 24:03

Great. Thank you for that feedback. I mean it's a great plug and actually it's a great concept of what I'm talking about. How do we partner up? How do we create programs? What do we need to do to offer the resources? So, McKenzie, you went to college. You go to the Ohio State University. Huge school, huge college, lots of money coming into that, into that you know system. What kind of resources did you find were available to you there?

McKenzie Bump: 24:27

Yeah, so we have an entire like sports psych team. Each team gets their own person and then they normally come in a couple of times a year. You know, ask the team questions kind of make us do little things to try and interact with each other. And then I noticed a big thing that a lot of my teammates use is like the one on ones, and it doesn't have to be like specific to the one person that we're given for the team, you can use any of them and they really create like this great, you know, bond between them and the therapist.

McKenzie Bump: 24:58

Really, you know back and forth, and they normally do like a meeting once a week and it can be on the computer, it can be in person and a lot of our girls use that throughout the season and they started in the fall, when we don't we're not super heavy in softball, to create that relationship and as we move into, you know, full season, it's full go. They continue that while we're on the road and they're able to just talk about new things every week that might be getting to them how to get out of it, how to take the next step. Some girls do it for softball and some do it outside of softball. I know some of our girls may talk about relationship problems, like pretty much just anything they need that week, like they just have maybe 30 minutes to talk to someone and then, you know, listen and then give advice and I know a lot of them have had a lot of success with that.

Tim Maceyko: 25:49

Great, great to hear. This is what I was talking about - having resources. You know the colleges have resources. I know they have money, and they have more stuff than what the high school has. But we've got to find a way to translate some of those same types of services into our high school systems, because we are talking about junior high kids committing suicide. We're not even talking about just high school, we're talking about early on. And that's a really scary thought because, as coach D said earlier, it's a, you know, a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Tim Maceyko: 26:19

I don't typically share this very often, but for those of you who don't know, I was a pretty good athlete back in the day myself and it's Friday night and I am scoring 17 points in the basketball game. Saturday, I got 16, and Sunday I'm in a hospital bed, paralyzed from a car accident, can't walk. I can't feed myself, and it was a struggle learning to walk again. I couldn't play organized sports anymore, and so that's what led me into coaching eventually. But there was a streak there where I got so frustrated, I got my wheelchair and I wheeled myself out in the middle of the night to the kitchen and I was planning to commit suicide because I was so frustrated. And then something called out to me, and I was like you know, just in my mind, you know, don't do this. And I had these visions of all the positive things were yet to come and I didn't do it. I went back to bed, and I cried myself to sleep that night. I woke up the next day and I felt a little different. I was still the same person, still struggling, but there was something just felt a little differently and I always said, I think God spoke to me that night. You know, he said it's not over yet, and so I hold on to that faith.

Tim Maceyko: 27:21

And then, in the weeks ahead, I saw the most improvement I had ever seen in those months of being in that wheelchair, and suddenly, I was able to stand up again. Soon I was walking and eventually I was back in the gym shooting a basketball. I could never run again, quite the same. I could never use my right side of the body, quite the same. But I was playing, you know, open gyms at college with the other guys and I was hanging. You know, wasn't the athlete I was before, but I had learned to recover and use what gifts I had left and that led me into coaching, which I did for a number of years. Now it's led me to where I'm at today, doing shows like this with the faith beyond concept, finding faith beyond the adversity in our lives.

Tim Maceyko: 28:00

If I had ended it that day, look at all the things I would have missed. I'm now married, I got grand babies, you know, have two beautiful grand babies now, and I'm having a joyous life. So, you know, hang in there and hold on, because it does get better. Gabby, let's go back to you for a moment. We talked about some negatives. Now let's talk about some positives. So, let's think about those moments. Maybe you were struggling and maybe your parents or somebody said some things to you that made you feel good. Or just give us some, some concepts of what helped pick you up when you were at your lowest.

Gabby Daniels: 28:32

Yeah, so I actually had a cousin I would reach out to a lot about all the struggles I went through with basketball and pressure and everything, and he sent me a long paragraph and it was just very eye opening, and it was just about you know this, this doesn't make you who you are.

Gabby Daniels: 28:52

You know, you'll figure out who you are like outside of this, and you know, just, you got to stay true to yourse for you. You know There's more that's happen There's That is hat more that important than a basketball game. Then you game, game, you know texting me hey, what happened that you know there's so much more important things than in that just the game itself. know, I mean just figuring out who you are throughout all this and getting through it, and just knowing what you want to do with your life and all those positive things.

Tim Maceyko: 29:31

I love that because we tend to identify ourselves, especially at a young age, with we're an athlete, I'm an athlete, that's who I am. That's not who you are. That's part of what you're passionate about, it's part of what you like to do, but you're so much more than that, and a lot of times we equate our success on the court or on the field with who we are as a person, and that's so far from the truth. So, I love the fact you're able to recognize that. So that's wonderful. McKenzie, what about you? Give us something that picked you up when you're feeling your lowest.

McKenzie Bump: 30:01

Yeah, I would say my parents are my pride and joy. So they've always, they've always been the one there for me. Like I said, my dad was always hard on me, but especially as I got older, I knew you know it was, it was the love he had for the game and the love he had for me. He was the dad that was doing my stats before the game to let me know if I batted this, that my batting average would go to this and if I batted this and then go down to this. But he'd always joke like before the game, like I don't care if you go 0 for five or five for five, like I still love you, and like he stood behind that, like no matter what. I knew. You know it wasn't about the softball, you know it brought us close together, but that's not what made him love me.

McKenzie Bump: 30:39

My mom, she's just, she was just a typical mom.

McKenzie Bump: 30:43

You know she brought me my snacks, you know I was her baby, no matter what I did on the field. So there was just nothing that could ever compare to the way that they made me feel, no matter what I did on the field, and the pride that they always showed that. You know I'm their, I'm their daughter, softball player or not. And at the college level I would just say like seeing the little girls and the stands that say like McKinsey bumps my favorite player, you know, like they have no idea who I am as a person, like you know, they see me on the softball field smiling. You know, no matter what I'm going through, but I remember being that little girl in the stands thinking like, oh my gosh, that's my favorite player out there. And that's when I really realized like I'm changing little girls lives, like through softball. So softball is like my avenue to change little girls lives and give them the hope that they can chase their dreams and they can get where they want to be, just like I was that little girl one day.

Tim Maceyko: 31:36

McKenzie, what are you hoping to do after you graduate, like, what's your long term plan? I want to ask Gabby that as well, but we'll come back to So, her. So what's your next step after college?

McKenzie Bump: 31:45

Yes, so I'm majoring in sports industry. I'm going to get my master's in sports management. I'd like to be a college coach, but it's hard to know whether you know I'm going to get a college job or not. I would. Coaching in general is my passion and after everything I've been through, like being able to help any girl at any age. You know softball wise and you know like this, like mentally to know you know we all go through it and help them. Like I wish I had the help when I was younger. That's pretty much my goal, whether it comes from coaching or player development or anything like that. Like I just want to be able to help little girls that were in my shoe.

Tim Maceyko: 32:24

Nice, I like it and I think you're going to be phenomenal. Just based on the discussion today, just the personality and the answers, I think you're going to be great. Gabby, I know you, so you did not play college basketball, you decided to focus on your studies, but what is it that you plan to do after college?

Gabby Daniels: 32:40

Yeah, so during high school, you know our team had the opportunity to go work with some children who had disabilities and you know, teach them to play basketball. It was the Unstoppables, and it was just a great organization, to go talk with those kids the parents and that really inspired me to do what

Gabby Daniels: 33:01

I want to do, which is I'm majoring in occupational therapy. I'm trying to get my doctorate in occupational therapy to hopefully work with children who have disabilities and just to be able to help them do day to day things. But yeah, that's, that's my goal.

Tim Maceyko: 33:15

Really noble cause as well. I love it. Two great girls here and two phenomenal careers ahead of them. Coach D, let's come back over to you. Uh, any thoughts on what you've been hearing the last five minutes?

Coach D: 33:27

There's a lot of thoughts, I think, um, McKenzie, I think about what you had said as far as your dad being your mom and dad being your pride and joy, and, and one thing I wonder is what was your, your dad's experience growing up, you know, in terms of the influence from his parents and things like that? And the reason why I say that, same thing with you, Gabby, when you said you had a chance to go visit some of the children and now that's inspired you to do what you want to do, um, and this point that I'm making here, Tim, is that, for me, I realized that a lot of things in life they're not happening to us, but they're happening for us, be a good, bad or ugly, they're happening for us. Um, I remember a time when I walked into a seventh grade classroom looking to talk to my favorite teacher, who was coach Robbins and, long story short, he wasn't there. It was a substitute teacher. The reason why I wanted to talk to him is because I knew that I had such heavy things on my on my heart. I needed to get this off my chest.

Coach D: 34:29

And, um, anyhow, the substitute teacher told us to take out a sheet of paper. She said, write today's date, your name. And then she said, at the top right hand corner, right forward, I am a winner. And I'm looking at her like man. Okay, this is, this is corny, but I'm, I'll go ahead and write it. And then she began to break down what it meant. She said I'm a winner simply means no matter what you go through in life, no matter how crazy it is, how unfair, how undeserving it may be, she said you do win as long as you don't quit. Quitters never win and winners never quit. Well, I had went on from that day, never saw her again a day in my life, but every single day, when I walked into that classroom, I wrote those words and eventually what happened is I went through seventh grade, eighth grade, my ninth grade year. It went from my head to my heart. Now I started to identify myself as a winner. No matter what I'm doing, I'm still a winner. Right, I just got to figure out how to make it past that.

Coach D: 35:23

And so, long story short, my, my dad ends up losing, losing his life due to domestic violence. I'm there, freshman high school. He dies in my arms While I'm there on the ground, my dad in my arms. I look on my shoulder and God placed my brother right there at the right time, knowing I was going to look over my left shoulder because I was already contemplating the woman that had killed my dad. I was going to kill her Just like for life. That's the way I was kind of, you know, brought up in my environment.

Coach D: 35:51

But when I looked at my little brother, Quincy, I found a reason to be the change I wanted to see in this world. And so again, that situation with my dad. It didn't happen to me. Not having my favorite teacher there at that particular time. It didn't happen to. It happened for me Like it was good that he wasn't there, because I got something that helped me to shape my identity. And when I was tested the most, my biggest test, I was able to fall back on that identity, which is I am a winner. And on top of that, I had a reason why I needed to win, which is my little brother.

Coach D: 36:24

So I'm so happy to hear what you ladies are saying. When you said that you've, you're, you're. You got a pretty solid idea as to what you want to do in this world, and I think what you want to do is phenomenal. I think it's phenomenal because you're not just doing it for you, you're doing it for others. Right, and when you can begin to play life in that kind of way, man, the impact you make is immeasurable. So salute.

Tim Maceyko: 36:49

Yeah, I'm with you, man, Great, great share. Coach D, you know I'm actually going to have you back, if you'd like to, on a different show, because I like to talk to you solo more about your personal story, specifically because I know you have a lot to share and so I definitely want to invite you back later. But we're going to kind of wrap this up here. I'm going to go around the circle one more time here and talk to everybody, but before we do - parents, what you need to take away from the show today is to make sure you're talking to your kids, you're giving them support and love and you're having those conversations, even when they don't want to talk to you. Sometimes you may have to push a little, you know, get in there and get them to open up, because it's the ones that don't talk and then suddenly you say, well, we never saw that coming. And if you can't talk to them, like in Gabby's case, it's a cousin, maybe it's another uncle or an aunt or somebody they can open up to, find a way. Find a way to make a connection for the benefit of your child, so that you're not faced with a situation you don't want to be faced with. From a coaching perspective -

Tim Maceyko: 37:42

I hope the coaches take away from today the idea that there's not a lot of resources at the high school level. So, you high school coaches need to think about, how can I incorporate some of these things? Whether it's coach D's program or a program we create on our own or another program. What resources are we going to give our kids and how are we going to have moments that aren't about the sport? I know that's one thing we tried to incorporate. At Frederickt own we did some things outside of the gym. I think that's important. But beyond that, it needs to be conversations. It needs to be things that aren't always about the sport. So, from an administrator standpoint, please take away from this today

Tim Maceyko: 38:20

Do something about creating additional resources for these high school kids, junior high kids. They need it. They need it. So, we all have a job to do here, and we can really help these kids in a positive way. So, think about it. Let's go around one more time. G abby, any last second thoughts here on anything you want to say? And again, I know your parents. I know your dad kept scorebook for us, and a phenomenal family. They're very competitive. I know McKenzie's dad too. He was uber competitive growing up. I played ball against him, so, I remember the open gym days. But anything you want to say though, Gabby, last second?

Gabby Daniels: 38:55

Yeah, you know. I think you know in high school I definitely got the pressure from everywhere, so I think you know, from a coaching standpoint, there needs to be more conversation outside of just you know your performance. I think there definitely needs to be conversation about how student athletes are doing mentally and you know how they cope with things, how they deal with them, like I mean everything, because if we don't know what other people are going through at home. And I think there needs to be conversations, you know, in school, whether it be with teachers or guidance counselors, administrators, coaches, parents, I think I was lucky enough to be mentally strong to be able to handle that, and unfortunately, some people are not as strong that way, and so I think there definitely needs to be conversation of you know, how can we help you, how are you doing? I think there just needs to be a lot more communication on that end from everyone.

Tim Maceyko: 40:00

Yeah, great, great, great points. In fact, I wish, from a high school coaches standpoint, I would have had better training coming into the system, like because that's something we kind of overlook, and so a lot of coaches come in from the outside world and maybe you don't have that background or have that knowledge and don't think about it and do a poor job of that. And so I agree with you 100% that I myself wish I would have done much better than I did. So, well said Gabby. McKenzie, any last second thoughts?

McKenzie Bump: 40:26

Yeah, I would say as a coach, know your players. Know how to coach them to get the best out of them. They want to do good for you just as much as you want them to do good for you. So, like Gabby said, have the conversation. You know it takes five minutes to understand how somebody needs to be coached to get the best out of them, along with, like the players.

McKenzie Bump: 40:46

Don't be afraid to have that conversation. You know your coach might not always be the one to reach out to you, but if you have to go to them, that's your big first step of, you know, coming in the door or you know getting older. And don't be afraid to speak to people, even if it's not your coach. You know I was lucky enough to have the avenue of my parents. Not everybody does. You know, find your person, like coach D said your "and one," stick with them and you know, write it out, like, don't be afraid to speak up about what's bothering you. The more you you know let it each you alive, the worse it gets. So if you can stop it as soon as it starts, you'll make it a lot further that way.

Tim Maceyko: 41:22

Well said, well said. Coach D, why don't you give us your final thoughts on this conversation?

Coach D: 41:28

I think, at the end of the day, to your point, T im, and to what Gabby and McKenzie said, we all have a part to play, and I think, just understanding that we can't take those parts lightly. What I look at is that rate, the suicide rate that you continue to allude to, and to me, those are precious lives that we lose. That was those things were preventable. They were preventable had we just stepped up and played our specific roles whether it's teammate, player, coach, whoever it may be, parents and we just take our roles seriously. This is a life man, this is a life worth helping, you know, worth supporting, and so to me, that's really what it is.

Coach D: 42:11

Stop looking at people on a superficial or, you know, on a surface level, but start to look at them for who they really are and make sure, if you have the opportunity to do whatever you can do it. One of my favorite quotes and I'll leave you with this, one of my favorite quotes is the candle loses nothing by lighting another candle, and I think that's so true. You know we have so much to gain if we just focus on how can I help this person, because that person on my heart right now, how can I help, you know? So yeah, go, go light candles guys.

Tim Maceyko: 42:42

I love it, Coach. Your book, let's talk about your book really quick before we wrap this up here. I know you have a book, and if someone out there listening wants to get your book, what's the title? Where do they find it?

Coach D: 42:56

Like I mentioned, my substitute teacher taught me, I am a winner. I went on to teach that to my kids. You know, every single day they will say I am a winner and today I win. You know, we repeat that, just trying to get that into their hearts. And so, I went on and I wrote a book as well. It's called Today I Win - When Tests Go Beyond the Classroom.

Coach D: 43:17

Typically, a lot of the things that our young people are dealing with has nothing to do with academics, but yet we're like okay, why are you dropping the ball over here? Your grades are low, you're not coming to school on time, whatever it may be. And so what McKenzie said if you just take the time just to get to know me, what Gabby even said like just let's have conversations. Do you know who I am? Do you even know what I'm going through? And so it speaks to that. It speaks to those childhood hardships and challenges that I have faced growing up, but it also shows the seven principle to help me to overcome so that I could win, and so I highly recommend for those that are parents, this is the resource that shows you how impactful a parent's role is in the lives of your children.

Coach D: 44:02

It's also a resource to educators, you know, to show you what your students really can be going through and how you can be an impact to them. And then, of course, it's for the students and the student athletes. So it's something that just about anyone that picks it up can can take, and they can begin to implement some, some practical solutions for their students that may, especially ones that may be struggling. But yet where you can find it just go to my website is Darryldarylwthomascom. If you want to follow me, I'm on all social media platforms. Again, the number one, darryldarylwthomas.

Tim Maceyko: 44:40

Alright, Coach D, thanks so much. Again, wrapping this up, you know I take ownership of the fact that I could have done a better job when I was running my program, and now my goal is to help you do a better job of running your program. F rom an administrative standpoint, from a coaching standpoint, I could have done a better job as a parent as my daughter came through, and so now again, I'm hoping you will do a better job than I did as a parent and being supportive and saying the right things and being there for your kids. So, that was the goal today. I felt like you know, it was something that we need to talk about. So, Gabby, best of luck with going back to college next week. McKenzie, hope you have a great senior year and season. And Coach D, once again, thanks for being here. That's it everybody, and so, until next time - this is Tim Maceyko, keep the faith!